selaraswarior のバックアップ(No.12)

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Quote: "Dee, if that's the priority and that is the decision you would come to in such a situation then not only are you the oppressor but your priorities about what is a worthwhile relationship are in pretty sad shape."

I think it's clear that we all have different priorities regarding life, marriage, and everything else. For me, nothing is more important than my religion; and one of the ways that spirituality expresses itself is sexually, in my erotic surrender to a loving dominant male. No other aspect of a romantic relationship is even a tiny fraction as important to me as the issue of sexual compatibility. And there is simply no way for me, as a sexually submissive woman, to be compatible with anyone other than a fully masculine, sexually dominant man. It seems to me that you are either unwilling to acknowledge and accept my own innate sexual inclinations, or else are trying to minimize their importance by imposing your own scheme of priorities over and above my own. And in doing this, you're still claiming that I'm the one seeking to "oppress" other people???

Quote: "If indeed we care about marital harmony on this site then this is a serious can of worms we'd better address."

I do think these are important issues, and I'm glad you raised them. But there are many other things that can destroy a marriage, most of which are not nearly the same magnitude as sexual incompatibility. I think it's useful to compare the scenario in question (that of a submissive woman's husband discovering that he's a switch) with other sorts of tragedies that can befall a marriage. Suppose that the man were diagnosed with penile or testicular cancer, and his genitals were surgically amputated, and their sex life was suddenly gone. That's sort of on the same scale as finding out that he's a switch. (But in this case, even though their romantic relationship is now at an end, their past romance together would not be a sham. Their memories of that would still be real and precious and meaningful, even if they now part ways due to the inability of the man to have sex. The wife would not go through the pain and shame of discovering that she had unwittingly surrendered her cherished femininity to a man with a submissive streak.) Similar considerations would hold if he were in an accident and paralyzed from the neck down, or suffered irreversible major brain damage, or various other tragic scenarios.